The New Barbarians

The New Barbarians

Directd by Enzo G. castellari

Rating: 3 out of 4 Pentagrams

Reviewed by: Jeff Deth

I’m predisposed with a strong fondness for post-apocalyptic themed sci-fi movies. So, I’m willing to cast aside judgment on issues of acting quality or believable costuming. In fact the more corny the acting and the more ridiculous the outfits the better. It’s what I’ve come to expect and appreciate from the slew of Road Warrior knockoffs that were produced throughout the 1980’s. Italy was a leading proponent of such flicks and The New Barbarians was one of them.

Director Enzo G. castellari is now famous for having directed the original Inglorious Bastards. I first became aware of him for directing 1990: The Bronx Warriors and Escape from the Bronx. As with a slew of other Italian directors of the era he aspired to copy successful American films for the Italian market with a much smaller budget.

The New Barbarians filmed in 1982 comes off the heels of 1981’s The Road Warrior and clearly draws inspiration from it. Mainly thematically not so much in terms of plot. The New Barbarians creates it’s own post nuclear war conditions in which a gang of death worshipers calling themselves the Templars seek to wipeout the remaining survivors completely.

The gang prowls the terrain on dirt bikes and war modified dune buggies rigged with drills, machine guns and spinning blades. The plot centers on a grizzled hero Scorpion and his young boy who attempt to thwart the evil plans of the Templar squad. The little kid is a jr. badass who picks off people by slingshoting explosives into their face. Scorpion rides around in his tricked out muscle car with machine guns spraying down the enemy.

Fred Williamson, a favorite cast in these type of films, plays another lone soldier Nadir, who doesn’t want so much to do good as much as he wants to get right in the middle of a fight. Don’t imagine there’s much else to do in a wasteland. His weapon of choice is a bow for slinging exploding arrows. The play this hilarious pimp music every time he’s making his way on screen.

Of course there’s a female who is rescued by Scorpion and needs to be further protected if he plans on making her his woman. That sets up most of the drama. There is a ton of high-speed chases and battles that take place.

This film is definitely over-the-top and cheesy but it’s so much fun it’s of no concern. There’s plenty of senseless violence and interesting characters to keep you entertained. If you are a fan of violent futuristic sci-fi, The New Barbarians won’t disappoint. But be forewarned that this is not The Terminator here, just a cheap low-budget shlockfest.

Hallowed Ground

Hallowed Ground (2007)

Directed by: David Benullo

Rating: 1.5 out of 4 Pentagrams

Reviewed by: Jeff Deth

It’s hard to write an inspired review of the film Hallowed Ground. I didn’t ragefully hate it but I certainly didn’t like it. It’s basically blah when it comes right down to it.

The town of Hope is haunted, ooooowwwwww…

The scarecrow slasher subgenre has never been successfully done more than a couple of times but that doesn’t stop people from pulling it out of the gimmick bag for yet another go. And understand something, I wanted to enjoy this film; I hoped they could catch me off guard and do something that didn’t completely suck. I wanted them to succeed as much as they did. So we both end up losers.

The script is utterly contrived and predictable from the onset. A real, Children of the Corn, small hick town gone crazy cult killers deal. Some really distraught tough girl comes into town and bumps into a terribly phony tabloid journalist and together they go out into the cornfields to investigate the hundred-year-old murder of a religious nut-job priest. The cult-priest is just now due back from the dead via a reincarnation by way of childbirth. The grungified gen-x girl, Liz, is prophesized as the chosen one to carry the holy child. Just as soon as one of the backwards redneck yokels can deposit their seed in her. The priest materializes in the form of a scarecrow assembled from nothing but old bum clothes and hay. As soon as he drops down off of a crucifix he starts going to work with a pitchfork.

After the reporter and the town sheriff are killed the Priest somehow body jumps from the straw man into the Sheriff. At that point I completely lost interest. I don’t know what this film wanted to be and I don’t think the writer/director did either. It tries to cover a lot of ground in 83 flimsy minutes and never creates an identity of it’s own.

The main problem I have really boils down to the killer. The only thing that was mildly Fun to look at was the scarecrow when he comes out killing. The second he’s out of the picture things are totally lame. They were pretty damn lame when he was there to begin with.

Not all the acting was god-awful and the picture quality doesn’t look bad at all but every other aspect of the movie is a drag. Absolutely nothing you haven’t seen a bazillion times in better movies. On the other hand, it wasn’t so unbearable that I’m Spitting on my computer screen as I write this.

Presumably you would have something better to do with your 83 minutes than watch Hallowed Ground. I could have continued reading ‘Salems Lot on paperback. but something about watching a bad straight to DVD horror film is simply a part of my make-up. Part of my DNA. It’s in the very fiber of my being. Therefore, I need Hallowed Ground as much as it needs me. We’re in this together. For better or worse…  We need each other.

Hotbild... (one sentence update)

Here is some Swedish crustcore for you... Brutal, fast, and just what you need on most days.


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Double header - Hardcore / Hardcore

If you like stuff on Bridge Nine, like reaching forward or the likes... You will like the first band, "Only fumes and corpses". Sounds like crust as **** kind of name, but... Good old hardcore, and fun too.


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The second band is "Hark! it's a crawling tar tar." Strange name, great band. These guys have been in bands before some, hardcore / crusty stuff and some metal. These guys are from Indonesia and really really fun, and sometimes strange, in the best way possible. Love'em.

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I gotta work soon, so... get this **** nao.

Rock N Roll D-Beat Mayhem!

If you liked Black Panda, you will like this... I am busy-ish being a waitress or some ****, so... This is a quickie. Its some more Rock and Roll fueled D-beat, this **** kills... Just get it, be hurt that it was a quick post, I've got to pander to old people to get that money....

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Scalps

Scalps (1983)

Directed by: Fred Olen Ray

Rating: 2.25 out of 4 Pentagrams

Reviewed By: Jeff Deth

Scalps is the story of a group of college archeology students who venture out into the desert searching for ancient Native American artifacts. Of course it all goes horribly wrong. Once their professor backs out on joining them at the last minute, the kids head out on the road planning for a weekend of drinking and fornication.

Normally that would have been great, but without him the bumbling teens unknowingly trespass onto haunted Indian burial grounds. But it’s not as if they weren’t warned. After all, the creepy town derelict at the gas station told them all about the scalpings, etc. going on in the Black Tree area where they were headed. But of course they were too busy buying their beer and planning to get laid to give a damn.

In a sense this film is derivative and formulaic. It reminded me of The Hills Have Eyes but with a Friday The 13^th cast of horny couples. Not that that’s a terrible thing. I give the film credit for introducing a new spin on an otherwise typical slasher story.

I expected the acting to be horrible given the low-budget. I was surprised and fairly satisfied with the believability of most of the characters under the circumstances. The budget was low but they did plenty of things right with it. The soundtrack was really good, setting a dark vibe throughout. I found the cinematography to be engaging at times as well, with some interesting shots being attempted. One aspect I could have done without was the dog-faced mask on one of the killers. Clearly it’s a mask and it doesn’t help that it was shot straight on in full light. They might have gotten away with it if they had heavily shadowed him.  On the other hand, the killings showed some quality special effects with some slashed throat and decapitation action. There is one full-on scalp that takes place but for a film called “scalps” you would have expected more.

I really like the idea of Native American ghosts haunting the desert as the basis for a film. Scalps, does an ok job of executing it but it could have been better somehow. I’m not going to put it down too hard because over-all it works and did more things right than wrong on balance.  If you’re a fan of the early work of Wes Craven you will probably appreciate Scalps. Or, you could just as easily find it to be a poor man's knock off all the same. 

Splatter Farm

Splatter Farm (1987)
Directed By: Mark Polonia, John Polonia, and Todd Smith
Camp Motion Pictures DVD
Rating: 1.5 out of 4 Pentagrams
Reviewed By: Jeff Deth

I’ve been brave enough to give Camp Motion Pictures another try, although I’m still recovering from the anguish of Woodchipper Massacre.

Expectations where low from the onset to avoid any emotional crash as the result of viewing. I simply placed the disc into the player and braced myself for the worst.
And that was certainly the smart thing to do but even still, I had braced for bad, not
insest rape, necrophilia and rape of the anal sort.

This was an incredibly uncomfortable film to watch. If you have a girlfriend, do not subject her to this vile offense. Unless she is extremely demented and tortured, in which case she may enjoy it.

The directing and staring twin brothers (Mark Polonia, John Polonia) play Allen and Joseph, two unbearably annoying twits paying a visit to their perverted sicko Aunt Lacey. Lacey, who is old enough to be their grandmother lives with the cannibalistic corpse fucker, Jeremy. Jeremy is responsible for tending to the farm and it’s animal inhabitants. Aside from that, he hovers around in the barn chopping up bodies and having sex with them.

The brothers, although extremely dim, begin to sense that auntie and her helping hand have got some weird stuff going on. It was only a matter of time before Jeremy is seen
defiling body parts and auntie can’t control her 60 year-old sexual appetite for young boys. Young boys she happens to be related to. Things spiral out of control and Jeremy gets to killing.

The acting is horrendous and stiff throughout. Although Jeremy is actually believable as a twisted backwoods freak as he doesn’t actually have to deliver many lines. The production is pure VHS quality. I will give it up to them in regards to special effects. Sure, they had no money but that didn’t hold them back. There was a definite effort put forth to create some actual “splatter” as promised. Everything looks fake and cheap but they tried and they manage to pull off some pretty disgusting stuff.

If this film intends to make the viewer feel sick and awkward, I believe it was a success. I can’t say it succeeded on many other fronts though. I was certainly taken off guard with all the sex-crime on display. There’s some shocking scenes without a doubt. Splatter Farm was a lot better than I prepared myself for but still not good enough to ever watch again as long as I live.

Rockstar Energy Mayhem Festival

Mayhem Festival Featuring: Slayer, Marylin Manson, Killswitch Engage, Trivium, Cannibal Corpse, Behemoth, All That Remains, Black Dahlia Murder, Mushroomhead, White Chapel, God Forbid
Reviewed by: Jeff Deth
Rating: 3.75 out of 4 Pentagrams


No Gigantour, no Sounds of the Underground, no Ozzfest. I even had hope last years Metal Masters would come back. No such luck. With no other great metal package tours coming around this year, Rockstar Energy Drinks Mayhem Festival was my summer concert priority.

The daylong festival packed in 10 bands across three stages with tons of merch and vendor booths. I quite enjoyed the booths as most tours only come with one standard tour shirt booth. At this festival you could buy anything from CD’s to belts to smoking paraphernalia. There was plenty to do and see all-day in between bands or when you just needed a break from all that metal.

Mayhem has done a great job of bringing in the best of all worlds of metal. While they can’t showcase really underground acts they bring together fairly disparate styles.
This year you get Marylin Manson, Slayer, Killswitch Engage, Mushroomhead, Trivium, Cannibal Corpse, All That Remains, Behemoth, Black Dahlia Murder, White Chapel and God Forbid. No I’ll admit, I’m not a fan of all those bands but more than enough to justify the ticket price. Any day when you can hear both “Hammer Smashed Face” and “Angel of Death” live is day in metal heaven (or Hell). Shit, for Slayer alone it would have been worth it.

The quality of the entertainment was very high. Rockstar came with a free drink bar dispensing an endless supply of cans to rabid metal kids, keeping the pits buzzing with energy. There was a dirt bike show going on off to the side of the two outdoor stages providing an added attraction. If that wasn’t enough there was even a wrestling ring with actual matches going on in the back. Crazy. Revolver Magazine gave away free concert books with features on all the bands and a schedule breakdown of the set times.

The thing that made me the happiest out of anything was the fact that I had the opportunity to see every band perform. My concern going in was that at some point I would have to choose between seeing one band or the other. Never happened. They organized it so that the bands alternated between the two outdoor stages all afternoon. No bands ever had to play on top of each other, which was awesome. It went from extreme metal on the left stage to more “mainstream” metal on the right stage. After all the opening bands played those stages the entertainment moved down to the main stage for the headliners. A great way to do a festival. I remember Lollapalooza being at the same venue years ago and the second stage had to compete with the main stage all day long.

You pay to see all the bands not some of them. That’s the whole point and I’m glad that the organizers of this event understand that.

As for the bands themselves we have some clear highlights. Slayer absolutely and unequivocally stole the festival. You just can’t top them, I don’t care how much younger you are. If anyone was going to it would have to be Trivium but given a shortened set list, there was no comparison. They played all the expected classics that have defined them as one of the top five most important metal bands of all-time. Its just mind blowing to hear the most metal riffs ever being played one after another. They had the place going ballistic with a non-stop thrashing assault on the senses. Not to take anything away from Trivium who bested all of the opening performances. They have amazing energy on-stage and an incredible chemistry as a band. This is the band of present day metal and sure to completely take-over the scene once bands like Metallica and Slayer hang it up. They not only have the songwriting ability and records but they pass the true test of metal by out performing their peers. In terms of shear intensity and brutality, Cannibal Corpse pulled no punches on this day either. They literally killed and maimed. Behemoth and All That Remains put on fine performances as well but nothing to write home about. A band I was on the fence about, Killswitch Engage created the single most memorable moment of the day when guitarist Adam D. got the lawn to split down the middle and creating a huge hole; then had both sides charge at each other ala a kickoff during a football game. These people fucking went into each other like two colliding semi-trucks. I had never seen such a thing in all the concerts I’ve ever been to over the last 15 years. Insane. Killswitch gets grief for their goofy stage show, specifically Adam D.’s parody of the “tough metal guy.”
He screamed at the audience incessantly between songs to stop acting like a bunch of bloody pussy’s, etc. He was a little much but other than that I can’t knock the integrity of their performance. Their music is really good and they something can be said for not taking yourself to seriously.

On the downside of things Mushroomhead performed on place of the Welsh Thrashers Bullet For My Valentine. Yawn. I’m surprised they could get booked for this gig. On the main stage no less. They were an utterly derivative imitation of Slipknot with sprinklings of industrial nonsense. I barley paid them any attention. And then there was Marylin. I expected much more from him to be honest. For being the most controversial musician of my generation, He didn’t bring anything new to the fold for this tour. Maybe it had to do with him almost going to prison the last time he visited Detroit. I just wasn’t blown away by their stage show. It wasn’t bad, but it didn’t live up to the hype I had heard of. Many of the songs didn’t hold up very well for me in this setting of an outdoor arena. I hoped to hear something more from his first record. He seems to be past his prime at this point even with Twiggy back in the band. As it was I only recognized three or four of his songs. But I don’t profess to be a Manson fan at all so I may be a pour judge.

Overall this was a great day of metal that fulfilled my need for a metal festival. Comparatively it offered much more than any of the package bill tours I’ve seen before. Mayhem has their shit together.

Double Header - Crust and Metalz.

Today is Cwill and Blüdwülf... Cwill is an Epic Crust band from Switzerland, these guys are just plain awesome. Dual vocals, violin. This is the kind of "world ending" sounding crust, that I love so very much.

This is their newer album and if you can track down their release from the mid-nineties, get that as well... I might up it later?

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Now onto Blüdwülf.... This band is a well kept secret for some time but I will impart them unto you faithful people who do not read this blog.... This band is a good mix of some very fun genre's and I know for a fact Jeff will love this ****... Butcher Cassidy does not lie about good music, but rarely tells the truth about everything else... Everything about Blüdwülf is pure fun, they pretty much are what this blog is about 100%, like Ghoul is as well... Check out the song "The Horror" followed by "Full metal warrior", then proceed to listen to the whole thing, you'll love it...

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Allright guys, I am out... Grip this up and GET INTO IT!