1990 Bronx Warriors...

1990 : Bronx Warriors

Year - 1983

Italian made

Rated by - Butcher Cassidy

ratings

Serious - 3 out of 5
Humor - 5 out of 5
The "NEED" to see this - 4 out of 5


I am so confused as to what inspired this and how this was ever conceived... The 80's were both awesome and lame... What was tough then, is now, just plain *expletive deleted*

Lets set the stage for what is honestly the most heartfelt attempt at failing. I say this because, there is no way a creator could not "alan smithy" this... It tries so hard to be some serious gangster ****. The setting is, the Bronx of course. The Cast of characters are a mismatch of themed gangs in "tough" uniforms, fighting with "tough" weapons, in a "tough" land where law and order just don't exist. Its a no mans land where, you live and eat with "death" to quote the leader of the main gang... Wait for it... "The Riders"... Yep, they are a hardcore biker gang led by a man, who I swear to god is wearing womens pants, and a cool vest with a long mane of hair and leather headband... And womens pants... His gang is an ethnic tapestry, complete with black dudes and some tough looking Mexican guys... All wearing swastikas, because nothing is more "tough" than a swastika on a black guy, who is also a biker, and just as cool and leather-man as everyone else. Also there were far too many mustaches in this movie, way tooooooo many, coupled with some whoa freddy mercury hair do's and mirrored sunglasses... "TOUGH"... Thats just "The Riders"...

My favorite gang was easily... "The Zombies" **** YEAH!.... Awww **** no... They are a vicious.......... Rollerskating gang!? They fight with hockey sticks, and train in a gymnastics place? Still, they were baller as heck... I am thinking of joining them if my job hunt fails, and so far it's failing as hard as this flick...

The fights were intense... I hit you, pause.... Block... COUNTER!.... pause... KILLINATION!

to break the tension of this...
INTERMISSION!
click this link ------> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XW2UWyaWDPE (fun music 2nd song = awesome)

So, the acting was just as cool and this flick had some 2 serious awesome death scenes. The first was a seriously bromantic scene with two "tough" men, who loved each other deeply. Then another with a good quotable you have to just see for yourself. The sheer creativity of this flick was awe inspiring. From their names (i.e trash, ice, hotdog (yep), piss (just kidding), tiger, and bingo...), to the unique looks of the gangs, and even their weaponry. I mean I would have to do some seriously mind altering model glues to think this mess up. I mean, a "tough" biker in womens pants, a black swash buckler, a man in an SS outfit, face paint... BALLA...


Pro's

• So this flick had some crazy gangsters of questionable sexuality
• killer fights,
• creativity
• bromance
• a guy in womens pants
• a black swashbuckler
• a guy in a unitard with a killer penis outline

Cons

• Painful at times but not much else truly that bad for it.

Seriously, this was actually a very fun movie. I recommend it for one of those date nights with a mustached buddy, or similar hook up. It's a good laugh, a good story, bad acting, and some "tough" dudes... And, a dude wearing womens pants...

Well Kids... I am off to look for a recruiter, to join the Zombies...

Butcher Cassidy, peace out...